Dear Student Midwife,
Art by Jeannie Phan
Be patient with yourself. This is life-changing, soul-stirring, intimate, "work." It can dig up deep-rooted impressions from your youth, and maybe even your own birth into this world. It can shift your entire view of sexuality. It can infuse you with a femininity and power you never knew existed. It makes you re-think SO much.. whether it be belly-buttons, birthdays, or your mother-daughter relationship. It is exhausting... mentally, physically, spiritually. It is a journey with twists, turns, challenges... all accompanied by joy and a presence of God, so great and expansive, that your senses are overloaded. BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF. Show yourself grace, kindness, and compassion. You are being stretched and pushed in this calling. It's a big deal. You are NOT ALONE when you feel overwhelmed, scared, or lacking in confidence. Be patient with yourself and always remember why your started this wild adventure of midwifery... return to that unique and very special calling. As Elizabeth Davis has beautifully put it... "What is this like? It is like being taken apart and put back together. It is the process of descent—the dark night of the soul. It is akin to transition in labor, when women feel they are dying. As a student midwife, be prepared to shed your skin, to transform into something you may not be able to envision in your ordinary mind. This is because birth is not ordinary, it is not “normal”—it is extraordinary, and in order to assist, you must come in contact (and come to terms) with this part of yourself."
Rest. Oh how I have learned a lesson with this one! Please, dear fellow student midwife, REST. Yes, when I say rest, I do literally mean come home from a long, stimulating birth... shower...take cal/mag... rub lavender EO all over your beautiful, sore, body... make sure your phone is plugged in with the volume up because "another mama might be brewing in labor"... and then..... FREAKING FACE PLANT INTO YOUR PILLOW and feel all of your muscles melt into the bed and your mind start to slooooowwww down and decompress. Yes. Rest. Rest, dear sister. And in the same breath, I encourage you to rest through "PLAY." Find a hobby that is joyful, simple, and peaceful. Yoga, painting, dancing, hiking, and writing are some of my favorites. These activities are restful and create balance in your life. Fellowship with people that aren't in the birth world often (so that you can't talk about birth-work the entire time you are with them). Everybody needs balance.
Prepare food. This is also something I have learned over time... after scrounging around in the cupboards of a clients home, looking for something to sustain me... and after multiple trips to fast food chains or rest stops open at 3 am. Packing yummy energizing trail-mix in a jar, prepping yerba-mate tea, and meal prepping each week are simple ways to help your body stay well-nourished in the unpredictable and, at times, insanely busy, schedule of midwifery. It is SO wonderful to come home from a birth to a meal prepped and waiting for you in the refrigerator. Trust me on this one. You must take care of yourself.
Community community community community community community. You will not survive as a lone wolf, I guarantee it. We must BEAR TOGETHER in this work. We must midwife one another through this experience. We must lift one another up. We must COLLABORATE instead of COMPETE. This is the only, only, ONLY way. My fellow student midwives, please... reach out to others. Let her know you'd like to meet up for tea to talk through a traumatic, transformative, or beautiful experience in your apprenticeship. Cry together, laugh together, and GROW together. Dear sisters, this is the only way.
As I finish up my academic program (with only two modules left, yippee!) and gain primary skills in the second half of my apprenticeship, I felt inclined to share some thoughts with those starting out in this twisty, topsy, extraordinary journey.
Much love and sincerity,
Your fellow student midwife,
Carly Bev
